Pagan Community
How Will We Ever Find It?

I frequently view the listings on Witchvox (http://www.witchvox.com) and Pagan Profiles (http://www.paganprofiles.com), two websites where people list themselves as pagans seeking contacts. The people are listed by city and allowed to put up a small bit of information about themselves and a link to their website. Pagan Profiles also allows a picture to be posted. Both sites forbid profanity and obscenity. Witchvox has separate sections for adults and teens, with appropriate warnings and disclaimers on each. Witchvox also has listings for events, shops, and groups.

I have been listed for probably four years or so on Witchvox, beginning when I lived in Illinois. I made one friend in my hometown through the site. In the Albany area, I have met maybe three or four people through Witchvox. However, out of the several dozen people listed on the site that are in this area, I have received only a handful of emails. The few I've actually corresponded with, I initiated contact in nearly every case. I've sent out scores of emails to people in the area, only to have no response whatsoever in most cases. A few of the emails bounced, but many more simply did not respond.

Why do these people list themselves, only to not bother responding to the email? Why aren't they emailing the other people in their area? I have been frustrated with this issue for a while, especially since there are several listed in my city (Schenectady) who have never emailed or responded. This has been going on since I moved here, and I think I've got a few answers.

A very simple explanation is that quite a few of these people are using the services as a "singles bar". I have made it very clear in my ad (and in my emails) that I'm married. I would imagine that if I neglected to mention that little fact, or if I listed myself as actively seeking partners, I'd have a full mailbox. How unfortunate that these people don't seem to value simple friendship.

Another explanation is that these people listed themselves, then developed apprehension once they finally got a few nibbles. Urban legends and the blood-and-guts media have created fear of "Internet People" for many. I've never had a scary experience, and I've met lots of people from the net (although very few from Witchvox). My scariest experiences were with people I met outside of the Internet, through real-life friends. I feel that if one takes precautions in meeting people online, there is no less a risk than meeting people in other ways. Some of these precautions include not giving out your phone number and address (do you do this with people you meet in person at bars anyway?), not revealing your workplace, not revealing your last name if you are in the phone book, and meeting for the first time in public with a friend to escort you.

I also believe that some do not respond because they may not feel compatible. If someone is a reconstructionist, they may not be interested in communicating with an eclectic person. A person primarily interested in music and literature might not want to explore discussions with someone into science in nature. While I personally see the potential benefits of talking to people who have different viewpoints and interests than I do, some people just aren't comfortable doing so.

I also wonder how many don't respond out of fear of appearing ignorant. There are lots of new people discovering paganism every day, and those who might have more experience or education may intimidate them. The result of this apprehension, however, tends to be the formation of a group of people who between them have no idea whatsoever how to practice, and indeed have no one to help them find the resources they need to learn and grow. Of course, there are also the ones looking to leech onto a teacher. I've heard before, "Tell me everything you know!" However, such people don't want to do any reading or work on their own. Either way, they don't get in touch with the right people-if they aren't avoiding experienced people, they're scaring them away!

Of course, many of us have been burned by the egotistical, pretentious, and outright dishonest behavior that is frequently encountered in any group of human beings, whether they are brought together by sports, hobbies, work, or religion. I'm sorry to say that I've been used and abused by the latter group more than I have any other. I've been stepped on so that others can make themselves look better. I've heard more cock-and-bull stories from Pagans than I can count, especially from those trying to prove their supposed psychic abilities. I'm tired of the competition, the "My God can beat your God up" crap. I'm just tired of it. It's made me wary, it's caused me to back off of the entire community for months at a time. I know that lots of others feel this way too, and are hiding because they don't realize that there are good, honest people just like them who'd like to form a community. I know that some of these people don't post on Witchvox sites because of their bad experiences.

How do we form this pagan community of non-posers? I can say that I feel such a thing can only come about through secrecy. No one gets invited without a screening. A few members can advertise their desire to meet new people through places like Witchvox, and hope to get a few interested people who aren't there through the meat market. I keep my eyes and ears open for little pieces of information-a crystal necklace, a keyword, or a bumper sticker. Without yelling out, "Hey! Are you a Pagan?" you can initiate a conversation about the piece of information itself, hopefully encouraging the person to open up. "Say, that's a lovely pendant, where did you get it?" is one way to begin, or "I'm sorry, did you say Beltane? I'm having a bonfire with my family for Beltane this year!" Finding new people is challenging, and weeding out the ones that you're not interested in is even more so. animal shelter? What do you think your deity would prefer?